Boy, 4 (picking at his school lunch): "I'm hungry; I need Mcdonald's."
Teacher: What do you like at Mcdonald's?"
Boy, 4 (tilting his head and squinting as if thinking hard): "Cheeseburgers and diet Coke."
Teacher: "What other foods do you like?"
Boy, 4 (after a long, long pause): "Hamburgers."

Girl, 4 (scribbling and sighing): "I just can't draw princesses as good as you."
Me: It's okay -- I've been drawing for a long time -- ever since I was your age. I'm old now."
Girl, 4: "You're not so so so old."
Me: "No, but I'm much older than you."
Girl, 4: "You're not so old that you can't take care of us."

Boy, 4 (flicking a Lego astronaut off the 3rd story of a Lego house he'd built with major teacher assistance): "Oh no, there he goes! He's falling off! BAM! Now, he's like grandpa."

Teacher (to Boy, 4): "Is your house close?"
Boy, 4: "No, it's open."

Me (exasperated): "Why can't you stay in line?"
Girl, 4 (staring up, indignant): "I'm just looking at the world."

Girl, 3.5 (pushing a crayon across the table): "Teacher, can you draw me a triangle?"
Me: "Did you try to do it yourself?"
Girl, 3.5: "I tried to try."

Girl, 4 (to me): "Teacher, teacher -- will you draw me as a mermaid?
Me: "No, not right now, I can't."
Girl, 4 (putting her hands on my shoulder and tilting her head on to it): "Oh, but you are the artist, teacher -- you draw so good."
Me: What are you if I am the artist?
Girl, 4: "I'm the cute one."

Girl, 4 (Chinese, speaking to a teacher, also Chinese): “You’re like a Chinese princess. Can I do your hair?

Boy, 4: “Is your grandpa old?” Teacher: “I don’t actually have any grandpas left.” Boy, 4: “Was he not nice?”

Boy, 3.5 (staring up at me): “My daddy washed all of the stink off my head last night. Do you have stink on your head?”

Girl, 4: “I’m going to be a beautiful phoenix for Halloween.” Boy, 4: “Who’s going to be Barack Obama?” Teacher: “What does Barack Obama look like? Where would you get that costume?” Boy, 4: “You just go to the store and buy it.”

Teacher: “Why do you think the Mona Lisa is smiling?” Girl, 4: “She’s looking at a baby animal.” Boy, 4: “She’s saying ‘cheese’.”

Girl, 4 (dressed in wonder woman costume): “i’m wonder woman!” Girl, 5: “you can’t wear costumes to school.” Girl, 4 (dressed in wonder woman costume): “it’s not a costume.”

Girl, 4 (wearing tutu, spinning on carpet): “I’m Ballerina Barbie!” Teacher: “No, you’re not; you’re Chelsea.” Girl, 4: “I’m only kidding.”

Girl, 4 (to me, poking my knee): “What’s gotten into you today?”

Girl #1, 5: “Draw a monster.” Me (drawing a monster): “Here’s your monster.” Girl #1, 5: “Make his bum stick out.” Girl #2, 4: “All monsters have bums. Make it like a coconut.”

Boy, age 4 (holding pretend microphone): “Hello, hot sauce; hey, mister ketchup-man; i want a pizza, please.”

Boy, age 4: “do you know billie jean?”

boy, age 4: “i dare you to feel my muscles”

boy, age 4: “jeff tweedy sings in wilco”