Girl, 4: "A lady po-po came to our door because someone wearing a pink jacket was throwing wine glasses at our house."

Boy, 4: "Barbarians don't say excuse me when they burp and fart."

Girl, 5: "I went to Safeway with my parents, but my mom said I couldn't have any more Jell-O."
Boy, 5: "Don't worry. I have lots at home. I'll mail you some."

Me: "Does your tummy hurt?"
Girl, 4 (throwing up into toilet): My tummy isn't upset; my head is upset."

Boy, 4: "I'm a princess!"
Teacher: "I'm a princess too!"
Boy, 4: "You can't be a princess. You're not wearing a dress."
Teacher: "You're not wearing one either."
Boy, 4: "But I'm still a princess!" (leaping on to a bench dancing and singing "let's dance!")

Girl, 4: "My mom cries sometimes, but not like I cry."

Girl, 5 (discussing fire safety): "And if you're stuck in your car and it's on fire, the firefighters might have to come get you out with the tweezers of life."

Girl, 4 (holding phone against her ear with shoulder and talking into it while trying to pull a sparkling dress on over her clothes with her hands): "The dance party is running a little late. Is that okay? Okay, thanks, hon'."

Boy, 4: "Everybody I know isn't dead yet."

Girl #1, 4: "I'm a strawberry."
Girl #2, 4: "I want to be a strawberry."
Girl #1 (walking away): "I'm a strawberry."
Girl #2 (sobbing): "But I want to be a strawberry."
Me (walking over): "You can't be a strawberry too?"
Girl #2 (sobbing): "No, I can't!"
Me: Why can't there be two strawberries?"
Girl #2 (sobbing): "No! I love pink!"
Me: "You want to be the only strawberry."
Girl #2 (sobbing): "Yes!"

Boy, 4: "My dad broke my heart yesterday."
Me: He did?"
Boy, 4: "Broke my heart, yes. That's when your feelings get hurt."

Boy#1, 4 (holding a string cheese stick above his upper lip and wiggling it): "Hey, look -- I have a mustache."
Boy#2, 4 (laughing): "My grandpa has mustaches all over his body. Here...and here...and here..." (pointing to his face, head, chest, crotch, and backside)
Boy #1: "Really?"
Boy#2: "Yep. Covered all over."
Girl, 4: "Even on his booty?"
Boy#2: "Yep. Even on his booty."

Me (reading book about knights to a few children): "So, this was Richard the Lionheart. He was king of England."
Boy, 4: "Who was the king of Burlingame?"

Girl, 4: "What were you for Halloween again?"
Me: "An old man."
Girl, 4: "Did you put frosting in your hair?"

Me: "What did you do over the weekend?"
Boy, 8: "Played my guitar."
Me: "Nice."
Boy, 8: "Yeah, it's a Fender Telecaster."
Me: "Oh cool."
Girl, 8: "Tele what? Can't be very cool if you can't pronounce it!"

Girl#1, 15: "Are you British?"
Me: British? No, why?
Girl#1: "You walk like you're British."
Me: "Is it the sweater?"
Girl#1: "Yeah, but that's just part of it. You seem British."
Girl #2, 15: "He's hecka Irish.
Girl#1: "Could be."

Teacher: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Boy, 5: "A fireman."
Teacher: "Why?"
Boy, 5: "Because I already have the costume."

Teacher: "So, who was Martin Luther King?"
Girl, 4: "He was the person who said that people with different skin don't have to do different jobs."
Boy, 4: "He was like the president but he wasn't a president."

Girl, 4 (dancing to music, yelling at another girl, also 4): "Hey, Anna, take off your headband so you can rock and roll."

Girl, 4 (mumbling from her nap-time mat)
Me (walking past): "What? Did you say something?"
Girl, 4: "No -- just blah blah blah."

Me: "Okay, so write down what happened first in the story, then second, and then what happened at the end. Then, I want you to write down your favorite part."
Boy, 8: "Okay, sure."
Me: "What was your favorite part?"
Boy, 8: "I liked it when he pooped."
Me: "No one pooped in the story."
Boy, 8: "I know."